Selena Gomez opens up about her suicidal thoughts - “I thought the world would be better if I wasn't there”
Selena Gomez introduced the world to the complexities of her mind and mental health struggles through her AppleTV+ documentary, My Mind & Me. The documentary premiered at AFI Festival in Los Angeles, California, on November 2, Wednesday night.
As reported by Entertainment Weekly, the Only Murders in the Building star told Rolling Stone that she struggled with suicidal ideation for years, but never acted upon the thoughts, sharing, "I thought the world would be better if I wasn't there." Gomez has sought help at "four treatment centers" for multiple mental ailments in her life, including depression, anxiety, and psychosis.
"When I started hitting my early twenties is when it started to get really dark, when I started to feel like I was not in control of what I was feeling, whether that was really great or really bad," she told the outlet. "It would start with depression, then it would go into isolation."
Gomez went on to share that after she began hearing voices in her head, she suffered from a psychotic episode because of which she went to a mental health facility for several months in 2018. After ‘walking out of psychosis’, and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she was put on so many medications that it felt like “there was no part of me that was there anymore.”
"I had to detox, essentially, from the medications I was on,” Gomez further revealed. “I had to learn how to remember certain words. I would forget where I was when we were talking. It took a lot of hard work for me to (a) accept that I was bipolar, but (b) learn how to deal with it because it wasn't going to go away." Since then, the singer-actress has been vocal about mental health awareness and has always advocated to spread kindness everywhere.
"I have the platform I have, it's kind of like I'm sacrificing myself a little bit for a greater purpose,” she said speaking of the mental health start-up Wondermind she co-founded in April. "I don't want that to sound dramatic, but I almost wasn't going to put this out. God's honest truth, a few weeks ago, I wasn't sure I could do it." As the report cites, Gomez said she's also making a concerted effort to "make bipolar my friend" and be kind to herself going forward.
"I remind myself that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the psychotic break, if it wasn't for my lupus, if it wasn't for my diagnosis," Gomez said. "I think I would just probably be another annoying entity that just wants to wear nice clothes all the time. I'm depressed thinking about who I would be."
Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me is out on Apple TV+ on Friday, November 4.
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